Should Have

I remember standing above you

Playing witness to your pain

How could you endure?

The misery frozen in your eyes

Beautiful daggers of despair that haunt me still

The tranquility of the night echoes within me

A surreal nightmare that will never end

My heart cries out when I am alone

Yet, I must silence the anguish

Our secret must remain safe

Or your sacrifice will be for naught

At times, the remorse challenges my resolve

Slicing through my soul

Filling my void with darkness

An unexplainable emptiness that wears on my façade

Shredding the fabric of what was

Destroying what could have been

Or sadly, should have been

The images remain so vivid

A spiraling visage of my hopelessness

The knife sliding across your throat

The river of sadness that flowed from your veins

The lone tear drying on your pale skin

Although I am older now, my tears will never dry

Just as my life will never be the same

Our love was my foundation

Shaping all that I was

Who I am

What I have become

Deep inside the turmoil rages

Surrounded by my penitence and sorrow

I am lost without you, without your touch

I often wonder if you will forgive me when we meet again

Why was it my hand on the knife?

Why was I afraid of the pain?

Questions that remain a just punishment for my failure

A life sentence of desolation

My hurt for knowing I should have joined you